Friday, February 28, 2014

4 F-ing things I won't miss about February

My friends know this about me: I hate winter, and this one has been BRUTAL.  But things have got to get better in March, right? So I'm celebrating the last day of this despicable month by saying good riddance to four F-ing things I won't miss about February. (They all begin with F, get it?)

1. Frigid Temps
After record breaking cold and snow in December and January, the continuation of the Polar Vortex in February has been particularly hard to endure. The unrelenting wind chill and painfully cold temps have been ridiculous. I'm normally wimpy about the cold, but this month I'm justified. It has been the third coldest February on record

2. Frozen Sidewalks
Walking my dog Kelly has been either treacherous or impossible. The sidewalks have been covered in snow, slick with ice, or too painfully cold for her little feet to bear. After carrying her home a few times, I've reverted to throwing her toys around in the basement for exercise. The lack of fresh air is driving us both nuts.

3. Frumpy Footwear
I am so sick of wearing snow boots all the time. First of all, I love cute shoes. Secondly, I'm short! I need to wear a bit of a heel to feel like a grown-up. Clumping around in furry mukluks makes me feel like I'm one of the seven dwarfs (Grumpy, of course.)  In March, I'm breaking out the leopard pumps, no matter what.

4. February Face
This is how I've looked all month. Pained and miserable. I know, not a pretty sight. 

But tomorrow is March 1st and even though the forecast doesn't show it, I know there's a thaw in sight. So farewell February Face! Ciao cold! See ya later frozen sidewalks and frumpy Ugg boots. I'm not gonna miss you one f-ing bit.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

3 Romantic Ways to Make Your Man Happy

I almost delivered this "Sex & the Suburbs" story on a local TV station, but rats, the segment fell through. Since I'm all prepped, I'm publishing it on a media outlet that never lets me down - Ripe Peach. So read on 'cause here are three things your man would love from you on Valentine's day or any day. If you read my column, some of these may sound familiar!

1. Appreciate Him
Men are programmed to act all strong and self sufficient but they really long for approval,  so acknowledge your guy when he does something sweet or helpful.  A simple thank you is a great start, but to really make him feel appreciated, stock up on all those romantic cards (on sale now!) and use them throughout the year. Tuck an affectionate note into his coat pocket or briefcase for him to find later or shoot him a romantic text or personalized e-cards. Be specific - "I adore when you are so patient helping Timmy with math," or "thanks for filling my windshield wiper fluid this morning, stud" or "You look so yummy in those jeans!" Guys love to feel effective and know when they're getting things right, and you'll have fun reinforcing his good behavior.

A box full of I love you's or sweet notes.

2. Look Hot for Him
Men are visual creatures, so give your guy something hot to look at:  you! A really beautiful gift is to have a sexy portrait taken - like these photos from my friends Sylvi and Gina at Enamour Photography - and surprise your guy with a special photo album. 

But also, make the effort to dress up in person. Even if you're staying in, ditch the yoga pants, do your hair and make-up, wear the dress he loves, or put on something pretty at bedtime. When you look good, you feel good, and that will put both of you in the mood.
A chemise is both comfy and pretty.
3. Make a Move on Him
Most men would really dig it if you took the initiative. Here are three ideas for romantic encounters that are "Sex & the Suburbs" man-approved.

Hotel Sleep-Under
For privacy-starved couples, a few hours in a hotel can do wonders. Book a last-minute hotel on or Priceline (as of today, 4-star hotels in Chicago cost as little as $99) and you can spend an evening in a clean, private room doing whatever the hell you want. Pack your purse with with wine, almonds and dark chocolate (they're aphrodisiacs) and bring something slinky to wear and a sexy toy or two. My recommendation - a massage candle that when lit, turns into a puddle of massage oil. After a couple luxurious hours, drop your key off at the hotel's front desk and you can still be home in time to pay the sitter.

Pack your purse for a decadent sleep-under

Host a Quickie
This is an adult version of the pre-teen game "Seven Minutes in Heaven." Invite your man to a small room in your home (the basement bathroom perhaps?) for a few minutes of romance. Pop a split of champagne, light a candle, play a sexy song or two and see what happens. The kids won't even know you're gone.

 Party in the Potty 8:07-8:14p.m.!

The Man Date
Sometimes a man just needs to be a man, so plan an evening that honors his masculinity. Challenge your dude to an evening of competition at pool, darts, poker - even video games. Serve craft beer in cool IPA glasses and make playful bets. No matter what the score, everybody wins!

I'll match your back rub and raise you breakfast in bed.