Friday, November 20, 2015

Are You a Good Wife?

I bought a few books at Target this week (I love browsing Target's book section - more manageable than a book store and always full of fun titles.) Yesterday I reported on how inspired I was by Yoga Girl Rachel Brathen, but today I am simply inspired by the the title of a novel I haven't even read yet - How to Be a Good Wife by Emma Chapman.

"How to be a good wife - what the hell is that?" I wondered. What an antiquated notion. It seems  anti-feminist for a modern woman to aspire to be a "good wife."

But wait. I've been married to my husband for 24 years and my marriage is incredibly important to me, so I DO want to be a good wife. For those of us with kids, we definitely want to be good moms. The women I know put lot of effort into learning parenting skills and are constantly angst-ing over how well they're rearing their kids.  Shouldn't being a good wife be just as important?

I firmly believe that strong relationships don't just happen; they require attention and effort to thrive. But exactly what does it mean to be a good wife?  I write about sex and relationships professionally so I have a lot of research to fall back on. But every relationship is unique so I have to know what works in mine.

For something new (and because I have some time on my hands) I decided to explore the subject with markers. I'm not much of an artist, but I am a super doodler. And I love putting words on paper. Voila! Here's my Good Wife Doodle - listing all the things I think make me a good partner in my relationship.

Double click for larger image
The major categories are Communicate, Be Happy, Show Appreciation, Be Affectionate, Look Good, Allow Space & Change, Organize Fun Things to Do, Hang in There, Demand Equality and, of course, Marry a Good Guy.

I'm sure I've missed a few things - I plan to consult my man over the weekend for his feedback. But I thought I'd put it out there and ask YOU. Is it important to you to be a good wife? How do you do it? And by the way, I realize a marriage is a reciprocal arrangement. It's hard to be a good wife if you're married to a schmuck.  So I'd also like to hear what makes for a good husband. Is the list the same or different?

I have so many questions!  And here comes the snow, so I guess I have plenty of time to explore them. And actually read that How to be a Good Wife book.

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